Day Five: An Open Letter to Soy Milk

Dear Soy Milk,

On several occasions, I have given you the opportunity to prove that you are, as reputable sources claim, an acceptable non-dairy substitute to milk.  On each of these occasions, no matter how low my expectations, you’ve managed to disappoint.

I’ve tried several of your brands; the differences are negligible.  None taste a bit like the pasteurized white stuff. That the word “milk” is in your name is misleading and, frankly, hurtful.

I was raised on milk.  I like it cold, warm, shaken and stirred.  Prior to swearing it off as part of a vegan challenge, it was a familiar and reassuring part of daily life.  For me, milk is the perfect compliment to most meals.  Milk does my body good.  And when gently warmed with a dash of cinnamon, it soothes a restless mind and welcomes sleep. 

Soy milk is not milk.  You do not go well with any meal that I’ve tried.  You may do my body some good, but I’d rather lay awake staring at the ceiling than drink you warm.   

Now, I’m not entirely against you.  You do nicely compliment a hot mug of Chai tea and make an excellent smoothie. And though you should never be consumed by the glass, you do leave behind a most satisfying mustache!

My request to you is simple: stop calling yourself milk! Rebrand as Soy Stuff, or Liquid Soy.  Hire a prestigious marketing firm to come up with a clever name just please, for the sake of milk drinkers everywhere, stop calling yourself milk!

Thank you for your consideration.

L. Earline